I feel betrayed; how the world is turning back slowly and giving me back what I gave to it, or perhaps I wanted to give it, only in the opposite direction. It’s like I”m living a half lived life; a doubtful, somewhat dead life that seems so colorful to everyone, forgetting the dark side it hides compressed within it’s backyard. Should we be like the mineral deposits carried by a river, travelling through ages and ourselves as it starts from the mountains and then goes through beautiful valleys and dirty plains, until it lasts it deposits it’s load to form what they want of themselves?
Maybe it was all my mistake. My agony, my fiends, my acts of untrue friendship and escaping reality that sent me here; a prisoner at the gates, not knowing whether I stand out or I stand in. It’s like I am stuck up, knowing, living a virtual life that is unlovable, weak, ugly, maybe all the cusses high school boys use these days, and all the plastic that is said to be killing the environment, establishing what I call myself today. It’s the single speck of doing wrong, the single fear of people, of judgement, and as I would rather say, of myself, that haunts me through my dreams and on every step I take. Maybe if we would promise ourselves everyday that we would go without hurting asingle person, including ourselves, we would not be a lost jewel of the glimmering world anymore. Yet, I’m not so sure.